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Submitted on
July 28, 2012
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Journal Entry: Sat Jul 28, 2012, 11:15 PM
Normally I am blogTV ever single day. In most cases I don't to mind going on there and blathering my head off and listening to myself speak while in most cases people agree with me. For the most part people enjoy the art and the conversation, yet I feel like in many instances I go out my way to say things to try and amuse my viewers.

I found that over the last year or two I have developed some bad habits that don't seem to be fitting for my age and responsibility. Thats sounds really high and mightly-like, but the fact is that when you have kids, you view yourself in a different light.

I feel like the example of what I stand for has been sidelined in lieu of being popular with my viewers, that what you see is infact an elaborate act. The same type of act I put on at work and almost all places where I live. Maybe everyone is like that in that they have only so much they show while the rest they keep hidden for fear of retribution or insecurities of other kinds.

Interestingly, I found that this has pervaded my art as well, so much so that things I would not have drawn before hand, I now find myself branded by. The question comes to mind that what am I doing drawing what I am drawing at my age. When I was in my 20's, the stuff I drew was appropriate for my age, but now in my current position it just doesn't feel right.

Needless to say I need to pay the bills and feed my family, and that this is the career that I chose. I find a lot of my fans cheer me on and yet and maybe only perhaps don't know that I really am not a supporter of many aspect of the industry that I work in. It's not that i look down on anyone or anything, everyone has a right to spend their time  and life how they seem fit for better or for worse, but I find my work at contradiction to what I believe.

Case in point: Many of the female characters that I draw I would never what to see my daughters emulate or even watch for amusement. Thats goes for game related work and otherwise. Even my own Girl7 book contains many things that I feel shameful about, but still is champoined by girls and male fans alike.

The line that I draw in myself to seperate this contradiction is that what i do for work in one thing,s and what I do on the side in my own time is another. In other words, if I didn't need to work this much to pay bills, I would be doing something different than this.

Seems simple enough, although another things croped up: As I have got a better handle on my work and style, I am beginning to enjoy my art a lot more as it is closer to how I view it. This is a quest of mine andmaybe all artists that you some how capture what you see in your mind. Enjoying something in some ways can be seen as condoning it in my mind at least, and the issue with that is the constant bombarding of this type of work I feel has desensitized me from my viewpoint. It's only now and then that I look at my work and marvel how things I do now would not have happened before.

Some woudl argue that the tempering of my hang-ups is more inline with the mellowing that happens with age, however, when that mellowing is in your perceieved morals it is more along the lines of a watering down of virtue and purity. Thats how I see it at least.

When i am drawing on BlogTV and all of you are earnestly cheering me on with persistence, I realize that many a time when I want to stop I don't just to make you guys happy. That's my choice and not an obligation you would tell me and I know that. However I feel as though I haven't been balanced enough in my approach to allow myself the time to sit and consider the work I am on and also sort out my own stance on my ever changing landscape of work, which it very much is.

The work that I am on now has the potential to catapult my career more, and add more jewels to my work portfolio. The nature of that work takes a lot of concentration and I find that sort of liesurely quality of work to be a but more limited. The need to do commissions is not so much there any more and as such will come to a lull till maybe October. I mean if i don't need to, I don't want to do commissions. Thats part of the reason why I charge a lot, my time is very expensive because I have very little of it.

For a few of my close friends I like doing commissions though and they know who they are, and they let me do as I please which makes it fun.

As for Girl7 part 2 and any and all things 5th Capsule, I just do not have time right now at all. I already hardly see my children because of a far commute and other reasons, plus I am a very simple person who can only do things one at a time. So right now, my major job is Wonder Momo, and as it looks right now with how well it's been received you can count on seeing more of that. In many ways it is the Ibuki Legends of 2012 for me as many of the things I have learned over the years are beeing honed in that series. I am still teaching as well, though I have cut my load down to make more time for this job.

Next year i am planing to go to Egypt and maybe Turkey for Ramadan, this is more fr my children to see distant relatives and get more of a feel of a Muslim country. Here in Canada, amoung my work mates I am the only one fasting and so it feels as though I am alone in that. However there, everyone is fasting and so the whole society is changed for that month giving a stronger feeling of oneness, which i want my daughters  to know exists.

We are also looking to see if it might be a place we consider living, but one step at a time.

Well, quite a few thoughts in this journal, and I thank you if you've read this far. Forgive me if I don't respond to all the notes and messeges, but know that when I do read up here I do take your advice and viewpoints with care and the sincerity it deserves.


I really do thank you guys and I hope I have been of some use to you.


Asalaamu Alaikum = Peace be upon you!



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:icondtjb:
DTJB Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hmm, major deja vu. But seriously though, knowing your stance on the portrayal of female sexuality, I thought it was interesting that some of the pieces you were doing turned out provocative, yet I just figured you were drawing women being natural and carefree without considering them as objects. True fans are always going to love your stuff no matter what you draw. And no fan should ever dictate what an artist needs to create, only the artist has that authority, it's their vision after all.

You'll always have my moral support. Keep making great art.
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:iconleonidas666:
Leonidas666 Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
If I draw a hitman, that doesn't mean I want my son to be one.
Or if I draw a hooker, that doesn't mean I want my wife to be like that.
It's just a market decision (it sells, and sometimes it even helps the story, even Dragonball had Bulma) and it doesn't reflect the education you will give your children.
That's my opinion anyway.
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:iconrobaato:
Robaato Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
I admire you for speaking exactly how you feel, Omar. :nod: Whatever you end up doing, know that we're all right on the ride with you on our sides of the monitor.
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Hidden by Owner
:iconluckydragonbb:
luckydragonbb Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2012
I totally support you on your decision. I don't have children but I know how I would like them to grow up to be good morale people. I can understand in the art field you have to draw what your client wants, I see this with many of my friends. So like you've said in one of your journals a while back, it's a double edged sword.
I would say keep to your values, when ever I draw for commissions I have a sign that I have the right to refuse things.
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:iconyezzzsir:
yezzzsir Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2012
I think most people on your blog know your opinions already, and agree that considering you manage to strike a great balance. Regardless you have to do what you feel best and as alway put you & your familly first. All my best mate.
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:iconhierojux:
hierojux Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2012
You can always be Omar the garbage man! Actually, there isn't much turn over in that profession and I wouldn't call being an (amazing) artist relevant experience. Hmm...Ah! You could be a cook and work your way up to Chef. Although entry level positions in kitchens are usually part-time minimum wage. That wont do. Let see... you could work on a construction site cleaning up and digging foot holdings and work your way up to general contractor. But, construction hasn't been what is was for years now.

I think for now being a professor than any student would be lucky to have and an internationally known, in demand, highly skilled artist seems to suit you better. Your kids are going to be just fine with a father like you even if you where a cashier or bus boy. My point is as stressful as life can be, sometimes the only thing that makes me feel better is taking stock of what I have and how much better I have it than a lot of people I know. Not the majority mind you, but there is a bright side. I know you've worked very hard to get where you are, but most people never get there.

As far as blogtv goes, as long as I can see you drawing, than it's already the best thing on blogtv, the rest is gravy. So chin up old boy, things will work out fine.
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:iconomar-dogan:
Omar-Dogan Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2012  Professional General Artist
Thanks hommes.
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:iconicius:
icius Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2012
It's fun watching you draw girls.

It's fun watching you draw cars.

It would be fun watching you draw bowls of fruit with finger paints.

The point is, we come to the show because of you. Follow your heart and do what makes you happy and what you can live with within your own morality. The man makes the art, not the other way around.

You have given us a splendid window into your world and your work through BlogTV. If you were to hang it up you would be sorely missed. If you can find a way to continue and still maintain your happiness and your sense of self then that would be great.

If however, you find that there is simply no way to continue in that venue without compromising yourself, then we would be extraordinarily selfish to ask you to do so.

I understand the challenges and questions you are facing, especially when it comes to family. I wish you peace, a clear head, and a pure heart as you contemplate the next leg of life's journey.
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:iconhierojux:
hierojux Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2012
What he said.
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